...while I'm revising history...

Let's talk Star trek:Generations
It's been so long now I can barely remember the movie, but I do remember
I had a better idea for the ending.

Kirk should have been beamed up to the Enterprise D by Picard, who would
have told Riker that he's "Sending someone to help" swish pan to
turbolift doors, they whisper open, and there stands Kirk:" I heard you
could use some help" he says with a Kirk twinkle in his eye, feeling the
rush of stepping onto a bridge again. Riker steps up, kirk extends a
hand, and the two shake, a medium two shot, as the two similar
characters from two generations meet for the first time. Riker, along
with Data and Kirk make their way down to the battle bridge, on the way
the klingons beam on board in an attempt to take over ( there were
Klingon in this movie right, I forget, go with me here, it pays off)
Riker warns Kirk, Kirk dodges a klingon strike, and retaliates with the
patented Kirk double fist strike, down he goes. Riker raises an eyebrow, impressed. Second Klingon steps
up, ready to fire on Kirk, Data steps from the shadows, and lays a
vulcan nerve pinch on the guy, he goes down like a dufflebag full of wet
socks, Kirk looks at Data askance, with a "where did you learn that?"
look in his eye. Data off his look simply says "Ambassador Spock", Kirk, mirroring Riker, raises an eyebrow, impressed.
They continue down to the battle bridge, Kirk steps on, and is taken
aback, it resembles to a disturbing degree the bridge of his old ship
(they were the same set only slightly re-dressed after all) Kirk says
"now...I feel at home" or something similar. Riker and Data rig the
battle bridge controls to operate the whole stardrive section from the
captains chair, and instruct Kirk in it's use. Riker and Data have
their orders, they're to evacuate to the saucer section, and save the
crew.
Kirk on the stardrive part of the enterprise manuevers to take the
brunt of the photon torpedo attack (there was one right? or some sort of
missile) saving the saucer section. As the nexus ribbon is passing
through, the drifting stardrive section is manuevered by Kirk at the
last minute so the battle bridge intersect with it, just as the ship
explodes into smitherines. We know as an audience that Kirk as been
saved, sucked into the nexus again, eternal as always, he lives on, and
yet, dies (alone), with meaning.

transition music, dissolve to saucer section in orbit retrieving picard,
some nice closing line about Kirk "he made it possible for us to be
here" or something. Music Swells audience goes home happy.

Star Royalty

Okay, so at the beginning of Star Wars, Leia, is "Princess Leia" a
senator.
In the prequels, Amidala is queen. then, she's not queen, someone else
is queen, that right there presents a problem, apparently in his
universe Lucas has decided that royalty works differently, he doesn't
explain it, it's just different. which then leads us back to the
question, if Amidala had Leia, and Leia is adopted by Senator Organna,
then how is she a princess? She could be a princess if the Organna
family was royalty, not a hard jump to make, a barren royal couple
decides to adopt the dying queen's daughter, thus insuring that if not
of the same blood line of the organna's , it would in fact be a more
direct/pure blood line when she accends to princess, and eventually
queen.

But then maybe I've put more thought into this in twenty minutes than
George Lucas has in twenty plus years.

Star Wars again, ...I know what I said about the fish

Okay, I'm not quite done with Star Wars.

In my informal polling of co-workers and friends alike, "The Empire
Strikes Back" comes in at No.1 when ranking Star Wars films...

I always say, I know you may disagree with me, but...

I have always liked the original Star Wars (and it ain't "a new hope"
no matter how much Lucas tries to ram that crap down our throats, it's
"Star Wars"), yes, Star Wars, the best.

Here, in no particular logical order, are my reasons.

Star wars was more "real" forgiving it's bad cantina aliens, and some
special effects gaffs (which are few in my opinion...I like the
effects in star wars, with a few exceptions, I think they're nice,
clean, simple effects, and believe it or not, that's what helped sell
the movie, clean, simple, real, effects)

It's been said before, but the "used universe" look. Recently I saw a
picture of Han and Chewie from the original star wars promotional
photos, and looked at it for the first time in years, and then studied
it. Han Solo's holster, is beat to shit, it's "real". Chewie's
crossbow thing is worn, the edges are shiny from use, the finish is
worn away, it's "real" There was a feel of credibility, of genuine
being that existed in that first film that was obliterated in the
second film. costumes were newer, cleaner, and seemed more like what
they were costumes. This may seem a stupid thing to fixate on, but
when something's off, you try to put your finger on it, you try to
define it, in other words, you're outside the movie already, it's
pulled you out for the simple reason that the costumes aren't real
enough. Not to get off on a tangent, but the second Matrix movie
suffered the same problems, watch the two side by side, and look at
the costumes, there's something wrong about them in the second movie.
Also in Empire, and Jedi, what's with Darth Vader's helmet? Did he get a new buffing machine, or a whole contingent of lackies to polish his helmet, no pun intended, is that really all he's got to worry about, his helmet being so shiny that the people he's killing can see themselves in it?

I think Empire suffers also from using a "trick", ie. "Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father"

Now some people can't imagine star wars as a mythos without this
facet, I can, and think it weakens what could have been a very
compelling "revenge" story, sorry Lucas hates that word when applied
to good guys, but y'know, we as an audience have always cheered a good
revenge tale.

(Please see Braveheart, while not strictly a revenge tale, it does
have an all time great moment of revenge in it.) We love seeing the
bad guys picked off one by one as they try to converge on the helpless
siren, the hero cocking the winchester, pressing it to his cheek, and
drawing a bead on the next bad guy, think of it in whatever terms you
like. (Another example go watch "Last of the Mohicans" revenge
aplenty!)

It was a stunt plain and simple, loud and clear, "Darth Vader is not
Luke Skywalker's father", he's the guy who
KILLED his father! Light sabers out, and go
get 'em! Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war! Don't worry Han's
got yer back.

Next up: Return of the Jedi, and cheap trick number two: Luke and Leia
are NOT brother and sister, they want to get it
on, monkey style after escaping the stormtroopers, but then Ben dies,
and puts a damper on the whole thing. Han, Luke, Leia, love triangle!
Simple as that, there's yelling, screaming, fist fight, and Han wins,
why 'cause he's cool, and can beat the crap out of Luke as long as
it's a fair fight without the force being invoked.

So think of the Star Wars sequels without the stunts, the cheap
tricks, if Lucas had tried to resolve the
ACTUAL conflict created in the original film.

Think of that, an old fashioned cliffhanger brought up to date with
adult drama.

Lucas has said that " hey as it turns out these movies have been about
Darth Vader the whole time" BULLSHIT! No, no, no, no, no! The films
would have been about good versus evil, and interpersonal conflict,
but Lucas didn't have the stones for it. he sold out, he had the
merchandising rights, and by God, there were going to be Ewoks,
whether you liked them or not! Darth Vader, getting back to that, is
a bad guy, two dimensional, tough as nails, hard to kill "Jason with a
breathing mask" BAD GUY!

So, I'm sure there's something in all this I'm forgetting, but, Lucas
blew it, he had the money, he had us as an audience, and he sold us
down the river. We would have bought the figures, posters, and
t-shirts, all of it. But he blew it. He's filthy rich and couldn't
give a shit what I think, but he blew it.

Night Stalker VS. The Night Stalker

ABC is bringing the night stalker back to prime time television, with a
"from the producers of the x-files" sort of spin.

Gone is the off-center quirky determined bloodhound of a reporter as
embodied by Darren McGavin. Now Kolchak is being played by Stuart
Townsend, not a bad actor, but kind of a pretty-boy (you'll remember him
as Dorian Gray" in "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen", and he was very
good.) too much of a pretty-boy, in my opinion to be playing Kolchak.
With this new re-vamp of the Night Stalker concept, Kolchak get's a
partner, and a photographer, gone is the one man band approach to
reporting as taken in the original, besides, no one believed him, so he
went out on his own.
So in this "from the producers of the X-Files" approach I think they are
really going with a "How can we do another x-files" except of course for
ABC
Now I'll watch, I'll give it a shot, I'll want to like it, but I most
certainly will miss Darren McGavin, a magnetic screen presence whenever
he's on one, and I'll be waiting to see if they give the old whistler
theme a dust-off.
The old Night Stalker is a cult favorite to be sure, not a huge hit or
long remembered by most, but it is remembered fondly by some of us, some
of us who would wait up to see the reruns repackaged as movies on late
night tv, just to hear that whistled theme, and that distinctive
voice-over narration.

Sith happens!

Okay, so I've seen it. I've seen it on the best possible screen (the
Elk Grove Classic Cinema Kodak Digital Cinema; from the classic cinema
web site I quote:
"The Theatre is the first in the nation to install the Kodak Digital
Cinema System which produces nearly twice the screen quality of current
systems."
The picture quality was incredible.
The movie, was not.
I don't think there was one single emotionally engaging moment in the
entire film, either through drama, or action, or, something that Lucas
has clearly forgotten, cliffhangers.
I waited, wanting to be drawn into the world waited for something to
grab me, instead I felt like I was watching the red carpet procession of
costumes, gown, and make-up. "Ah, that's a neat sort of gown, although
impractical really, to sleep with pearls draped over your shoulder",
"There's an interesting design", "There's a background player who
clearly isn't even trying to act, but is directly over the shoulder of
someone speaking on screen, oh yeah, and she's painted blue, so you
can't miss her!"
Hayden Christiansen is claiming Lucas told him to act the way he acted...
Perhaps he gave you direction, but did he say act like you can't act?

Okay well, "what's done is done" as John Cusack's character said in
Grosse Pointe Blank. and as my friend Derrick said in the car on the
way home from the theater, quoting Chris Cooper's character in
Adaptation: "Fuck fish" meaning basically, I wash my hands of it, I'm
done with Star Wars.

So for all you Star Wars fans out there...
FUCK FISH!

Star Wars : Revenge of the Sith

So a co-worker of mine said he's heard Richard Roper say that George
Lucas finally got it right, listened to the fans, got rid of the comic
relief roles, the senate scenes, and made a decent Star Wars movie...
um, finally!
So what was he waiting for?
Phantom Menace: Annoying kid, He kills off the only decent character to
emerge from the film (Darth Maul), some really bad fake facial hair on
Liam Neeson, some bad make-up effects (those guys that Lucas got bashed
for for being asian racial sterotypes) The introduction of the concept
that the force is somehow tied in to a thing/substance that's in your
bloodstream...uh, okay, I kinda thought it was more like being psychic,
you may be a little sensitive, or a lot, but in you blood?!! C'mon!

Attack of the Clones: Better than the first, but suffers from a really
horrible, flat performance by Hayden Christiansen. That and whole
sections of the movie seem to be re-workings of other films, even his
own films (the bar room scene) to various degrees of success.

And now the new movie, Revenge of the Sith...cross your fingers.

And now I am going to try and start a rumor, that George Lucas WILL be
making the three sequels to the original movies, but his involvement
will only be as an executive Producer, and the man responsible for
writing and directing all three,which would of course be filmed back to
back, would be a man familiar with filming three movies back to back,
and making three cult status movies successfully! Emphasis on that last
word please. Yes the director of the next three Star Wars movies, will
be Peter Jackson! Put that in your search engine, along with Pamela
Anderson, and smoke it!

Oprah: Part II

Open letter to Oprah, let's try an experiment...
For one whole show, try not to repeat what your guests say.
So when a guest says "I felt bad" resist the temptation, to follow that
up with "You felt bad" with a contemplative, meaningful look on your
face.

Another example, when the guest says "I didn't notice when the baby fell
off the roof of the car." Don't slowly say "You didn't notice when the
baby fell off the roof of the car." and then add "Hmm"

An invoice for my consulting services is in the mail: Total...twenty
million dollars!

Oprah

So I heard this reporter woman (who'd worked for Oprah Magazine) interviewed on the radio today, the
interviewer asked her what it was like to work for Oprah...
Her answer was that she'd signed a non-disclosure agreement which was
still in force...
So if it was good to work for Oprah, she'd probably just answer "It was fun" or
something similar...Hmmm.
If I were her, my answer would have been something like this...
"What do you think it's like to work for her? She makes people sign
non-disclosure agreements! Do you think that's because she's affraid people will say
she's too nice?"

Home remedy

Here, are some simple, cheap, and effective home remedies.

-Sour stomach, acid reflux, indigestion, etc.
At the first sign of that "heartburn" feeling, rather than trying to
drown the pain with a drink of something, or eating something to make it
go away, try this...
Get some baking soda. Put a little, a very little, half a teaspoon maybe,
into a cup, glass, whatever, and put just enough tap water in there to
make it go "into solution" (so you can drink it), swirl it around, and slap
that daddy back fast (drink it quickly) why you ask? Well actually,
because it doesn't taste that good, and the less time on your tongue, or in
your mouth the better. You should feel results immediately. Now you
may have a sip of water, to rinse it down, or out of your mouth, but
that's it. You probably got into the situation from eating or drinking
too much, so sit quietly and ponder something. If it's the middle of
the night, sit up a while, or if you need to sleep, prop up your upper
body with pillows, and try to sleep that way, the acid reflux should
have a harder time shooting up, if your sitting up.

-Athlete's foot-
that burn that says "itch me 'til I bleed" that feeling like you could
itch more successfully from the inside, that maddening feeling...we've
all had it at one time or another, sometimes it can't be helped. So try
this, again, cheap, and easy.
First get a cotton swab, next, a bottle of hydrogen peroxide (found in
your pharmacy section of the Safeway, or what have you) Immerse the
swab, get it good and soaked, and then put the swab between the affected
toes, and swish it around get it in and around the itchy area. Sure
it'll sting for a second, but then, it should be gone, good as new. For
second treatments, or other toes, get a new swab fer God's sake that
stuff is multipurpose, unless you put that swab back in, then it's
single purpose, and it's just used that up!

More handy hints later...

Retail

Here's a note to America's (slacker) youth.
Whilst working your "stupid" retail job remember these things:
1. You are getting paid to do a job, not just to "Be" there. Make a
freakin' effort!
2. Chatty time with your co-workers is not while you are ringing someone
up!
3.The best time to ask someone if you can help them find anything, is
NOT on their way out the door!
and finally...
4. Make eye contact, and speak clearly "Mushmouth"!

With You

With You...the movie.

well there's a screening/premier for all those involved in the
production, and their friends and families this saturday. I hear it's a
cool old time theater, and the owner is making it a special event for
everyone involved.

Frankly, I'm a bit apprehensive about the whole thing, I'm not as social
as I once was, and my small talk is a bit rusty, that and there's a bit
of tension involving some of the principals in the film, and well, it'll
be the first I've seen of some of them in a long time. I don't look
forward to being in a room where several people think I'm some sort of
Judas, or "A-Hole" just because I did what I thought was right, and the
other person involved did what he thought was right, and well, he's got
more people, in the production anyway, on his side. It's a difference
of opinion, and well, it may create some tension, that I may have to
just pretend doesn't exist just to get through the night.

So the question is, do I still think I was right? yes, would I do it
differently given another chance, no. I think I would react the same
way. I might alter some of the things that led up to the disagreement,
as I said, I might as well have stood in bed, as come out, and cause
myself the grief it eventually did cause me.

The long and short of it is that I learned some valuable lessons from
that experience (valuable, like I can go cash them in somewhere right?
Rather like I got my hand burned on the stove, and know not to go near
the damn stove again!)

Anyway, the movie, right, the movie, lots of people I know are coming.
Of the people I invited, the one person I wanted to come will not be
able to attend due to a previous engagement. That sucks, the one person
I wanted to share this with, well, CPS knows how much it would mean to
me, but can't be there, well, I've gotten used to not seeing the old PS,
not to like it, but accustomed to it anyway.

More on my review later perhaps, check for an update after Saturday.

Scamble.com

Okay, so after some serious guilt trip emails to my webmaster ("yes
master") I finally have a functioning website.

http://www.scamble.com

It's limited right now, and frankly some of the stuff up there is so old
I cringe, hey it's been two years, almost, since he offered to get the
site up, and I've been sending him stuff all along, so it figures that
at some point the stuff would exceed it's freshness date. More likely
is that I've gotten better, and I just can't stand to look at some of
the obvious gaffs in my drawing.
Anyway, it's up. More coming soon, hopefully some of the stuff I like
more will get up there, and hopefully something up there will get me
some cash rolling in, 'cause damn, I need it. If you have any extra
hangin' around, then hell, email me, and let me know, and I'll tell you
where you can "donate" it.
riiiiight, I can dream, can't I, hell that's about all I can afford to
do.