Reality

So reality has set in.
I lack motivation.  I need motivation.
"But Dude!"  you say.  you have the motivation, you want money, right?
Yep, I want money, I signed up for Paypal, and got a special email just for eBay sales, and to make money, right?  I can't make myself do it, I can't make myself do the things necessary to get the stuff up online, and do the auctions.

"But Dude!"  you say.  you have the motivation, you want money, right?

Yeah, I said that already, right, but no, the answer is no.  I want the motivation.
because I lack the motivation.

Let's say I lack water, I need water.  But dude...nope, I still need water, I want the water.  Wanting the water doesn't make the water appear.  The water makes you feel less thirsty, what you want is to feel less thirsty.

I'm thirsty, but I can't make the water appear.  I can only wait for the tiny bits, the droplets that may appear as I hold my head back, mouth agape, tongue extended...

I'm thirsty, and I can't find the well, don't know what it looks like, and have only found that...clarity, occationally, and completely by accident.

So now here I am, knowing that I'm untethered, short attention span, attention deficit disorder... whatever, making my plight even worse.  I know I have these moments of "brilliance"  but really they seem only to be moments of "un-dumbness" where the semi-retardation of daily zombie-life is momentarily cleft, and you realize there is something more inside your brain than the rusted steel wool you try to fire electrons through.  And you think, I'll remember this moment, I'll remember the mountain top, the clear air, the brisk, bracing air, and then you get bogged down, and it's like a dream you remember in the middle of the night, you wake up, and think this is the most amazing thing ever, I must tell everyone, I'll remember this, mental note, yup, got it, now I gotta get some sleep.
Next morning, a vague thought that you might have had something you wanted to tell someone when you woke up, but now...damn, nope it's gone.

Anyway. the next plan of attack, at least the one foremost in my brain today is "I sold it on eBay" the store I passed the other day with my family.  There, I assume, I merely stop in, give them the stuff I want to sell, and done, pick up a check, and that's it.  I sure hope it's that easy, otherwise my simple primitive primate brain might be incapable of handling more!  So I can do the sketches I planned on doing, do the art to sell, and get the coin!
We'll  see, we'll see...